I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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