And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
