You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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