Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
