dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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