we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
