I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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