The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
