i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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