# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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