All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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