yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
