If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
