M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
