i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
