I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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