They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
