So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
