im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
