my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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