Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
