Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
