She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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