after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
