I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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