I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
