Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
