I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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