before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
