you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need a beard to bite.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
