Dual....:-)
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
