Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
