Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
