Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
