dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
