He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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