Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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