I'm going to jail i love you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
