How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
