Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
