This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
