Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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