put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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