i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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