From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
