I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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