i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
home. puking in laundry basket.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
