im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
