Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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