Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
