she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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