Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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