roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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