Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
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I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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