you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
