Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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