i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
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He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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