He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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