she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Randomize
