At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
