you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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