The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
