I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
