i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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