If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
