what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
