Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
