Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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